Boundaries Aren’t Selfish—They’re Sacred
You can’t lead with heart if you don’t know where your heart ends and someone else’s begins.
That’s what boundaries are for.
I’m writing us a book. One of the chapters is on boundaries and I’ve renamed the chapter more times than I can count. (Indecision? A lifelong companion.) At first it was Set Your Boundaries. Then Define Them. At one point, I was half-jokingly calling it Find Them Hidden in the Couch Cushions.
But here’s the truth: A year ago, I couldn’t have honored a boundary to save my life—because I didn’t have any.
I had to find them first.
Because here’s the thing no one teaches us: Saying no is a radical act of self-respect.
But “no” doesn’t come naturally to those of us raised to be helpful. We say yes and yes and yes—until we’re carrying the weight of ten lives and wondering why we can’t breathe.
Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re sacred. They are how you protect your peace, your energy, and your purpose.
Carrying It All Like It Was My Job
When I first moved to Los Angeles, I was wrecked. I’d just lost my father to pancreatic cancer. I’d finalized a divorce wherein we divided debt, not assets. I’d sold my business in a deal so bad it still makes me wince. I moved from my beloved hometown to a city I hated. I lost a pregnancy at thirteen weeks.
And yet, I accepted my dream job. And I got my first tattoo.
All in the same year.
Too much at once? That was my specialty.
If there was a limit, I blew right past it—not out of ambition, not even out of resilience. Out of habit. Out of desperation. Out of the false hope that if I just kept going, just kept helping, just kept producing, I could outrun the grief. I could earn my keep. I could prove I was okay.
I was carrying more than any one person should. Emotionally. Financially. Physically. Spiritually.
And instead of stopping, I started running. (Literally. I ran a half marathon that year. Because, sure—why the hell not?)
But here’s what I know now: You can’t heal when you’re performing. You can’t recover when you’re overcommitted. And you sure as hell can’t hear your own voice over the roar of everyone else’s needs.
Eventually, something has to give. And if you’re not careful? It will be you.
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously. ”
Boundaries are the beginning. Not the end of compassion. Not the end of connection. The beginning of clarity.
Boundaries let you show up with your whole heart—without burning yourself out in the process. They’re how you build a life rooted in integrity and intention. They are the invisible scaffolding that supports everything you care about.
So if you’ve been saying yes out of guilt, fear, or habit?
It’s not too late to learn a new way.
What’s next?
This post is a sneak peek from my upcoming book Lead with Heart: Reclaim Your Voice, Live Your Values, and Lead Without Losing Yourself—coming soon. If it resonated with you, I’d love to stay in touch. Join my mailing list to get early access to new chapters, behind-the-scenes updates, and a front-row seat to everything coming next.
