Mother’s Day, Grief, and the Leadership We Actually Need

Yesterday was Mother’s Day in America

Mother’s Day is one of those holidays that assumes everyone is okay.

It assumes everyone has something to celebrate.
It assumes the word “mother” lands softly.
It assumes joy.

And for a lot of people, that’s true.

But not for everyone.

For some, Mother’s Day is grief.

It’s the absence of someone who should still be here.
It’s the sharp reminder of a relationship that was complicated, strained, or never what it needed to be.
It’s the quiet ache of wanting to be a mother and not being one.
It’s the weight of being a mother while carrying more than anyone can see.

It’s love, still—but love shaped by loss, distance, or longing.

And that doesn’t fit neatly into a bouquet and a brunch reservation.

This is my first Mother’s Day without my mom. The first one in eight years she won’t send me a card “from the dogs.” The first one where I sent a card to my sister because I have to assume my mom always did that.

Grief shows up in small, specific ways like that. Not loud. Not dramatic. Just… different.

This is where leadership comes in.

Because leadership doesn’t just show up for what’s easy to celebrate.
It shows up for what’s actually true.

And the truth is: not everyone is celebrating.

Leadership that understands this doesn’t force joy.

It doesn’t assume. It doesn’t require participation in something that might feel painful. It doesn’t send the overly cheerful message and call it care.

Instead, it makes room.

Room for people to opt in or out.
Room for people to feel what they feel without explanation.
Room for the reality that holidays don’t land the same way for everyone.

This isn’t about getting it perfect.

It’s about paying attention.

It’s about recognizing that the people around you are carrying full, complex lives—and that a single day on the calendar doesn’t override that.

Most people won’t tell you what Mother’s Day feels like for them.

But they will notice how you show up.

They will notice whether your leadership makes space for their reality…
or asks them to set it aside.

And maybe that’s the work.

Not fixing it.
Not smoothing it over.
Not trying to make it brighter than it is.

Just making it possible for people to be where they are.

When the calendar tells people to celebrate, but their reality says otherwise…
what does your leadership make possible?