The Leadership of Letting In

Last month on the blog, we talked about letting go — the grief, the courage, the unclenching. Letting go of roles, expectations, traditions, emotional weight… all of it.

But there’s a second half to that work, a quieter and equally uncomfortable companion to release:

Letting in.

Because it’s one thing to set something down. It’s another thing entirely to open your hands and let support — or praise, or help, or joy — land there.

And oh boy, does this one hit close to home.

The leadership myth of self-sufficiency

Look, leaders are excellent at giving. We pour out. We show up. We anticipate needs before anyone speaks them out loud. We’re the first to raise our hands and the last to ask for backup.

But here’s the lie we’ve absorbed (often unconsciously):

Strength = doing it alone.

If November was about letting go of what no longer serves you, December is about letting in what does.

And yes — it feels just as edgy as it sounds.

A personal confession

My therapist and I have been working together for four years, and this — this exact skill — is our holy grail.

Letting people in. Not just emotionally or interpersonally. But actually, practically, in-my-real-life doing it.

Only recently have I started to make real progress.

Case in point: I asked for help at work the other week. A simple ask. A doable ask.

And my therapist and I spent an entire session talking about it — because for me, that was a breakthrough.

It is not easy to admit that we need help. It is not easy to hand something off when you've built a life (and a reputation) on being “the responsible one.”

And yes, I fully recognize the irony that I tell my student leaders “delegate, delegate, delegate” while simultaneously trying to do all the things myself.

We teach what we most need to learn.

Why letting in matters for leaders

Letting in isn’t weakness — it’s emotional maturity. It’s recognizing that leadership isn’t about being the hero. It’s about being human.

When you let people in, you:

• build trust

• deepen connection

• empower your team

• model healthy boundaries

• and stop treating burnout like an Olympic sport

Letting in support doesn’t diminish your authority. It strengthens it — because people trust leaders who trust them.

What letting in actually looks like

It doesn’t have to be big or dramatic.

Start small:

• Say “thank you” without deflecting.

• Let a colleague take something off your plate.

• Accept praise without narrating all the things you didn’t do well.

• Let a friend drop off soup without apologizing for being “a burden.”

• Allow joy — actual joy — to exist without editing yourself down.

Letting in is practicing softness where you’ve built walls. It’s choosing connection over control.

Take five quiet minutes with your journal and write:

“What support is being offered to me — and what would happen if I allowed myself to receive it?”

Then practice one tiny act of letting in. Let someone help you. Let someone praise you. Let someone show up for you.

You don’t have to earn it. You just have to allow it.

Because after a season of letting go, your next step — the brave step — is letting something good in.